As Promised...

Here is the original text from the first version of Beep boppin' and scattin' that I wrote in high school. I wrote this out on my computer, printed out a few copies and distributed them to a few of my close friends. It was actually quite fun until the second issue where I realized I had nothing to talk about besides chicks and tits. All the same, I still find it funny and some of it to still be true, all misspellings and grammatical errors have been left in for authenticity.

Ok I have just checked and it seems that there is a 3rd issue I forgot about. I think I might have tried to restart this in college and failed. So I think I am gonna spread this out among a few entries. En joy episode 1...


An Essay on Life's issues
Adeola Akinola
Issue 1
Over my 17 years of living, I have developed opinions on lots of topics. I have made these opinions known on many occasions, which has landed me in a considerable amount of trouble as most of you know. All the same, I have decided to make most or all of my (as many as I can remember) opinions known. So sit back and have a laugh, I hope you like it.

Adeola on Dribbeez:
Well, this is what most of my discussions are based on. As Freud is to sex, I am to Dribbeez. And hey, what's not to like? They are round, most of the time nicely shaped, objects that give many a guy pleasure. What else can we ask for? All of my years, I have had an affinity for Dribbeez. I have always liked them, and I believe I always will, I have even developed a skill to guess girls Dribbee sizes. It is not hard, but I do pride myself on it. Let's name some of the major players in my mind, and in this discussion. This is not by looks or attitude, keep in mind guys, but by the BDF or PPD (Big Dribbee Factor or Pounds Per Dribbee; two phrases I am sure you guys have forgotten.) Well let's go with first and foremost, and this is the only person ranked because I believe she is thy queen of the Dribbee. Who is it? None other then Simone Lescac (I think that's is the way you spell it).. Anyway, for those of you that don't know, she goes out with that emaciated figure of a guy, Wyatt. If you don't know who she is though, you need to find out. All I can say is "Sweet Fancy Moses". Well, since I don't want to go on of this part of the essay, I will continue, Next, and remember not in any order, is Sabrina Gleitzer. Ishts that will knock in the nose piece if she turns around to fast. Well then there's Kristin Cuccia, Burcu Colpan, Salvina (DE-Dribbee Entertainment), Sylvia Park, and others, that do not come to mind, I am not trying to mention everyone with big Dribbeez, just some that we know of, so whatever. My final thought on Dribbeez is that they are made out of Sugar, Spice, and Everything nice! We should all give respect to the almighty Dribbee.

Adeola On Fine Asses:
Well hand in hand with Dribbeez are fine asses. I write this (or this part of this essay) on the day Kev, Andres, Olesh and I decided to leave a little early, and we happened to be talking about this very subject. Here's the deal. I have never been a huge assman. Sure I look, but I never really paid attention, but I thought it was necessary for the essay, a natural progression if you will. Well as in the last topic, I will mention a couple of heroines of this ass battle. First we have the Asian wonder, the ass the defies physics, well there's two, so I will list both, Scherwing Du, and Diana Ren, both asses are good in their own right, Du's being a bit perky, and Ren's just being good stuff. Then we have Nesli, for as much of a whore as she is, her ass is butter, and speaking of butter's asses, we have the senior white girl Alex, you know the one. What can I say about asses, nothing really, I like them and so do you, 'nuff said.

Adeola on Girls:
Wow, where to start with this topic, girls I believe are not that complex, but then again I could be wrong. Well for this part of the essay it is up for grabs, feel free to write me back, and add things, or argue things if you want, this is what I get though. Girls as aforementioned are not these confusing creatures that we like to make them to be. My take on the whole thing is that guys are not that bright, but girls are not out of our understanding, but guys like to make it seem this way, to substantiate our problems when they do arise from the girl area (which often happens). Girls (or should I say most girls) are simple creatures who just demand respect. They sometimes make unreasonable demands, but the long lost art of compromise, can be used to solve these problems when they come up. And not that girls never try to make guys confused, or even succeed, but here is the great secret, pay attention. Look under the surface of some of the things that they say. I take this topic very seriously, because it is unfair that girls believe they have the higher intellect, it should not be this way, and it is not hard to change. most guys do NOT have a problem with women, but for those of you that do, there it is, use these weapons well my friends.

Adeola On Hairy Armed Mandillas:
Ok, Here's the deal, I don't exactly know what a hairy Mandilla is, but I have used it in the context that it is one hairy beast, like a big foot type of thing, so just think of it that way. Ok, so who are Hairy armed Mandilla's? In Stuy, they are some girls, whether they have big Dribbeez or not is negligible, and whether they are pretty are not is also irrelevant, but the thing is they treat their arm hair, as if it was also was irrelevant to their looks. I am an open minded guy, and I am not asking girls to do much, but what they usually do to themselves, just add something to the upkeep. They shave their underarms to keep themselves looking good, they shave their legs, to keep looking good, now what about those arm pieces!!??! I don't get it, it's not good for business, and not attractive at all, sure I can deal with it, but why should I, or anyone else have to do with it. If you are not noticing well, you should be. It is wrong. I am going to take a stand right here and right now, against Hairy armed Mandilla's and everything they stand for! I implore and encourage you brothers to do the same.

Adeola On Naps:
Ok, one weekend afternoon, you feel a bit sluggish, you have nothing to do, so you decided to take a nap. You figure "I will take an hour nap, and I will wake up fresh and feeling better". Well your happy ass is wrong. Go ahead take that nap, but when you awake, oh, when you awake, refreshed you will not be. You wake up feeling as sluggish as ever, nasty and tired. Why you ask? Well heres the deal with naps the most deceiving things known to man. You go to bed, and you have nothing to do before and after the nap, so your mind figures "Hey, why should I get up? I like being sluggish, and that's the way I’m gonna stay" Your mind knows you have nothing to do after the nap, so why should it get up, Logical is it not? So there it is, the secret of a nap, so take a stand, literally against naps!!

Adeola On Funny Phrases:
Well, as a expert on funny phrases, I have realized by infecting the vocabulary of our little group, that funny phrases are an integral part of the survival of a group of people. How you ask? Well, funny phrases, are not just funny phrases, they usually are code phrases, this is the way we are able to say things and keep people totally excluded, besides, variety is the spice of life. Without phrases like "I dont Give a rat's Culo (Aaron Scott), Sweet Fancy Moses (Adeola Akinola), and Dribbee (Robert Aboulafia), think how boring life would be. So Viva Variety.

Ok, right about here, i am running on empty, this my core essay, right me some more topics, and I will give you an authentic Adeola On: opinion of it, Maybe this can be a little like "Dear Abbey" thing, that would be fun, so here it is, if you got this, then you are cool and blessed, So much for the first issue of beep boppin and Scattin". Good nite everybody.

Pretty good huh!? No? Well f#@k you too...